Where Muses Play

Another Version of Me . . .

2006-07-29T01:22:00.000-07:00

When I write "another version of me" I am referring to my fellow creative, Scott Haralson. I refer to him as my male counter-part because he too, does nude self-portaits and like me, he waffles brilliantly between sexual and asexual, his imagery is sensuously ambiguous, non-threatening and feels very personal and intimate and at times is disturbing and I can so-o-o-o-o relate to this man on those levels. He is a fellow creative and kindred. Sometime I hope to meet and work with him on some kind of joint project. I think he is one of the few I would feel truly comfortable working with - why does he have to live so far away!

That's me in the background. I took one of my self-portraits and seamed it together in Adobe Photoshop with one of Scott's self-portraits from 1996 that he titled "emaciated". The one of me is one I took in the summer of 2005 and it remains in my "waiting to be used in a series" pile.

I get to write a supplemental article about him for the Art of Love and can't wait to get that written and published!

JAEDA

Better Together . . .

2006-07-19T13:12:00.000-07:00

I could not resist doing something with this image when it was first sent to me. My talented, fellow creative, Andrew Kaiser sent me a stunning and striking self-portrait. I had an image that Doug Lester took of me 8 years ago that seemed a perfect pairing so with a little Adobe magic I fused the two images together. I stumbled upon it the other day and still am rather fond of it so here it is . . . Andy and me joined together via the power of Adobe Photoshop *wink*

Anais Nin and pics from the Stock files

2006-07-18T12:22:00.001-07:00

"The dream was always running ahead of me. To catch up, to live for a moment in unison with it, that was the miracle. "
~Anais Nin~

Anais Nin a fellow Piscean after my own soul - love her!

I have been running triple duty with stock photo assigments, my main website and cafepress designs and doing some side-work for friends. I haven't had the luxury of time to devote to all the little dreamscapes in my head, all the feelings nested in my soul - waiting for there turn to be captured and than released in photographic form. I miss that process so-o-o-o-o very much.

But I certainly don't want this blog to become stale so I thought I post a few recent pics from my Stock files.

stayintheprocessoffulfillingyourdestiny
JAEDA

Bridals and Babies . . . Oh My!

2006-05-14T17:56:00.000-07:00

I've been turning my creative energies outward as of late - offering new challenges, perspectives and a nice change of pace. I photographed my sister, Tanya's wedding back in late January and I had a photoshoot with Suzanne and her infant son a couple of days ago - that shoot was so much fun! Suzanne is definitely my all-time favorite model to work with.

Here are a sampling of images from both photoshoots.

On a spiritual note I am still doing my daily prayer and bible studies - becoming spiritually fit is the best decision I ever made for myself. I am learning so much and am able to allow much more peace into my life. The bible is a wonderful guide for daily living - as is Joyce Meyer Ministires.

Okay . . . onto the pictures!

Love . . . Peace . . . Joy - JAEDA

A return to the water and the spirit . . .

2006-04-27T08:19:00.000-07:00

I've been a busy little bee. I am working toward the re-release of the unabridged version of my book, Haunting Hands . . . now set for release sometime in June or July.

I've started working on a spiritual sanctuary as well.

I've also been drawn to the message of love and acceptance, as such, in addition to my artscapes store I have also created a store of spiritual_gifts, another store for lesbians at i_love_womyn and a store for gay_pride_gifts.

I look forward to continuing to develop my talents in new and different directions. I hope to get some new work up on my website soon to reflect my renewed sense of spirituality.

I still believe in the human body as an artform so I will continue to create sensually surreal and spiritual fine art nudes. I guess that would make me "the naked Christian" LOL!.

Haven't posted any work since my "Abyss" series. Here are a few from myself-portrait Indexed Sensuality Film Stills series

and a few pics from my shoot with a very pregnant and beautiful Suzanne. She had a beautiful baby boy and I will be photographing them Thursday. So more pics soon . . . .

I was raised in a strict Latter Day Saint . . . Mormon

household. My father turned the spiritual reigns over to my Mother. I wouldn't learn until my senior year of highschool (when my parents divorced) that my father got tired of "faking it" in regards toreligion, formally left the church and told me he was agnostic. My mother is still a devout Mormon. I opted out after graduating highschool as did my sister.

My mother was raised Catholic and my father was raised by a mother of Jewish faith and a father who was of Christian faith. 6 years into my parents marriage (when I was 4 years old) my parents converted to Mormonism as my mother felt spiritually moved to do so and my father felt he should support her decision as he felt that running the household and raising children were her primary domain.

From my earliest memory, no matter how much trauma came into my life, I always had a strong connection to God. That feeling, sense and knowing of a positive love, energy and wisdom that was so far beyond my own capabilities and comprehension. I kept me moving forward when my parents failed me and my church failed me and when I failed myself. As I got older I allowed that strong sense to become muddled, drowned out, muted.

I am very turned off by religion. Though I have always believed and felt connection to God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit - I stopped putting these beliefs into practice after graduating highschool. Only praying to God in times of desperation. And now I realize . . . some 16 years later . . . that believing in God without action or practice is like believing in good health while inhaling greasy cheeseburgers and avoiding exercise.

I am a Vegan, I workout 6 days a week to keep my body and mind strong, fed and healthy . . . yet I had been allowing myself to atrophe spiritually - for some time. I wasn't doing anything toward spiritual fitness. Shortly after turning 34 I decided it was time to do something about it.

I started studying Christianity and had heard the term "born again Christian" thrown around a lot often with negative or comical associations of over-enthusiastic Christians praising the Lord.

This return to the study of Christianity started me praying again and studying the Bible. I must say, the Bible is actually quite intruiging, betrayal . . . seduction . . . murder . . .love . . .poetry . . .wise advice. I found myself starting out with only 15 minutes of study a day and it quickly grew to an hour as I became more and more enthralled.

Starting each morning with prayer and bible study and supplementing with spiritual programs has completely turned my world and my life upside down in the best way possible.

I am starting to understand what all the hype is about and why practicing Christians walk around with silly little happy grins on their faces.

For a long time my art was about validation, proving my worth to the world, proving my mere existence as I felt rather invisible as a child and very de-valued. I needed an insatiable amount of praise and validation. And set about to quietly acquire it via my art and photography.

Recently I've come to realize that my worth is something for me to discover within myself, it is not something that comes about from external validation. And that my talents are for purposes of service not to cater to my own ego and vanity. This changed the focus of what I do. Now I get up very excited, wondering how I can make today better for somebody else. I spend my time thinking of how I can utilize my art as a tool for healing. Whether it's donating a peaceful image to a domestic violence shelter or donating art to a survivors art exhibit or creating greeting cards to send to children who have to spend time being treated in cancer wards or creating art that gives a voice to survivors. The possibilities are endless. And navigating my way through this new sense of purpose and service is proving to be a wonderfully, amazing journey.

Breaking it down to it's simplest component . . . I lived on my own, without God, doing things my own way for 16 years and lacked a clear sense of purpose, peace or healing though I desperately tried to find/create these things for myself.

And now, after just a few months of going it God's way and with his spiritual guidance (via the still small voice) I do have a sense of purpose and peace. Am I healed of all my emotional and spiritual wounds? NO but I am on my way and working at it every day - it's definitely a process.

God IS Love . . . it's that simple. Once I invited his spirit back into my heart, my thoughts - he inspired me into action.

celebratethemuses
JAEDA

elusive magic of the moment

2005-12-05T23:12:00.000-08:00

I am determined to have all my unfinished photo series completed by months end. That in mind . . . I first attempted to complete my Spiraling series - created in 2001. My efforts to recapture that magic failed. I was missing the clear easter grass I used and instead crimped and cut some clear photo album insert pages but it didn't have the same effect. It was quite by accident that I was able to create the look of being underwater. But in trying to complete the Spiraling series I was able to create a new series The Abyss - so all was not lost!

Love Versus Sex

2005-11-18T14:33:00.000-08:00

I like the idea of courly love in the sense of a man celebrating a woman. Not about what he can take, but about what he can share, offer, appreciate and cherish about her. He demonstrates his love, desire and devotion with poetry, gifts, romantic gestures. He seeks to earn and win the womans love and affections.

And I like courtly love in the sense that it is a perpetual longing and yearning for one another, that is never truly consumated. Laying together naked, kissing, carressing, but not engaging in sex . . . creating a feverish, constant craving for eachother. Keeping eachother in a hypersensual state of being.

Which kind of plays into my interest in sexual transmutation.

Love vs. sex

'Love and lust are as far asunder as a flower garden is from a brothel.' Henry David Thoreau

Love and sex are antagonistic to each other. They are different in origin and nature and are based on opposing principles. Sex can be casual about its object; love cannot. Love is always a personal relationship; this is not necessarily so with sex.
Love by itself is elevating; sex by itself is denigrating. Pure love is ennobling; pure sex is demoralizing. Love is invigorating; sex is enervating. Love is unselfish; sex is self-seeking. Love is spiritual; sex is only physical. Though the two become deliciously confused when we become intensely infatuated with someone.

I like the idea that I don't have to experience a mini-death or post-orgasm regret. But rather within the context of a healthy loving relationship, pleasure can be transmuted into warm, healing, loving, rejuvenating energy that is guided upward and outward. No depletion or exhaustion as is experienced after the release of orgasm (the common physical type) but rather love-making becomes an energizing, revitalizing, intimate, loving and blissful experience with no loss of energy or vital fluids. Man and woman come together to elevate each other spiritually emotionally and pleasure is extended and transformed into something that words fail to adequately describe. A higher kind of love - very appealing to me . . . fulfillment over mere, temporary physical gratification.

Come to think of it, lust knows no end, it's always more, more, more, more, more. Lust does not lay with content. To be contented is to feel relaxed, peaceful and free from want.

Hmmm . . . much more to research, study and learn.

Inner-Child complete . . .

2005-11-14T08:11:00.000-08:00

I finally completed my Inner-Child series.

Right now it can be accessed here in my Recent Works gallery.
Eventually it will be moved to its permanent home

The images are accompanied by my thoughts. I am just getting wordier and wordier as time goes on.

Warning: This series is personal, deep and some may find it disturbing.

Jaeda

Indecisive Me . . .

2005-11-13T20:07:00.000-08:00

ARGH! I often do this when creating a series. I'll do several versions of the same image and then have a hard time deciding which one looks right/feels right. After getting a good nights sleep I woke up and started looking at the two versions of "Out of Place" that I had completed. I now think I like the first one better. Opinions requested. Which one do you like better? Version 1 or 2?

The image posted above is version 1 and the image in the post below this one is version 2 ( I hope that makes sense?).

Jaeda

Out of Place . . .

2005-11-13T02:10:00.000-08:00

It feels so good to finally have a new series ready to post to my personal gallery. This is the last of this new self-portrait series. I am sick today so I will leave you the image and spare you my thoughts! *wink* It's titled, "Out of Place".

Jaeda

The Perfect Secret . . .

2005-11-12T02:18:00.000-08:00

I feel a combination of release and relief when creating and completing images for my personal galleries. My images, my galleries, serve as an emotional graveyard of sorts. A safe place to house and store my feelings, my pain and my past. This latest self-portrait series I am working on is extremely personal and gives voice to the inner child in me - of whom never had the opportunity to speak. The child who never felt safe, protected or worthy of love and compassion.

The other safe way to allow my heart to bleed is through my writing. I had the following thought as I was processing this image . . . the perfect secret lives within the isolating walls of shame and silence Hence the title "The Perfect Secret".

I discovered the room in this picture while exploring an artspace in Seattle. It was being remodeled in some areas where some major fire damage had occured. The run down, abandoned, neglected look of this old building appealed to me.

Speaking of art spaces/dark spaces I discovered this fascinating interactive world of imagery/sound called 99 rooms - reminded me a lot of some of the older building in downtown Seattle. It's hard to describe and is best experienced.

back to work I go . . .

~over and out~
Jaeda

Finally . . .

2005-11-11T00:59:00.000-08:00

It's been 3 months since I have done any personal photographic work. Today I finally completed the first image of my latest self-portrait series. It was kind of created with the idea that someone just stumbled into one of my messed up little dreams *wink*. I call this one "Inner-Child" words to accompany it when I complete the series and post it to my website. I know this is obvious but just to cover all bases - all images I post here are copyright Jaeda DeWalt unless otherwise specified. All rights reserved and all that jazz.

Question to guests:

Have you ever done a self-portrait? Have a favorite self-portrait? Post it!

Thanks

Jaeda