I've been a busy little bee. I am working toward the re-release of the unabridged version of my book,
Haunting Hands . . . now set for release sometime in June or July.
I've started working on
a spiritual sanctuary as well.
I've also been drawn to the message of love and acceptance, as such, in addition to my
artscapes store I have also created a store of
spiritual_gifts, another store for lesbians at
i_love_womyn and a store for
gay_pride_gifts.
I look forward to continuing to develop my talents in new and different directions. I hope to get some new work up on my
website soon to reflect my renewed sense of spirituality.
I still believe in the human body as an artform so I will continue to create sensually surreal and spiritual fine art nudes. I guess that would make me "the naked Christian" LOL!.
Haven't posted any work since my "Abyss" series. Here are a few from myself-portrait
Indexed Sensuality Film Stills series
and a few pics from my shoot with a very pregnant and beautiful Suzanne. She had a beautiful baby boy and I will be photographing them Thursday. So more pics soon . . . .
I was raised in a strict Latter Day Saint . . . Mormon
household. My father turned the spiritual reigns over to my Mother. I wouldn't learn until my senior year of highschool (when my parents divorced) that my father got tired of "faking it" in regards toreligion, formally left the church and told me he was agnostic. My mother is still a devout Mormon. I opted out after graduating highschool as did my sister.
My mother was raised Catholic and my father was raised by a mother of Jewish faith and a father who was of Christian faith. 6 years into my parents marriage (when I was 4 years old) my parents converted to Mormonism as my mother felt spiritually moved to do so and my father felt he should support her decision as he felt that running the household and raising children were her primary domain.
From my earliest memory, no matter how much trauma came into my life, I always had a strong connection to God. That feeling, sense and knowing of a positive love, energy and wisdom that was so far beyond my own capabilities and comprehension. I kept me moving forward when my parents failed me and my church failed me and when I failed myself. As I got older I allowed that strong sense to become muddled, drowned out, muted.
I am very turned off by religion. Though I have always believed and felt connection to God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit - I stopped putting these beliefs into practice after graduating highschool. Only praying to God in times of desperation. And now I realize . . . some 16 years later . . . that believing in God without action or practice is like believing in good health while inhaling greasy cheeseburgers and avoiding exercise.
I am a Vegan, I workout 6 days a week to keep my body and mind strong, fed and healthy . . . yet I had been allowing myself to atrophe spiritually - for some time. I wasn't doing anything toward spiritual fitness. Shortly after turning 34 I decided it was time to do something about it.
I started studying Christianity and had heard the term "born again Christian" thrown around a lot often with negative or comical associations of over-enthusiastic Christians praising the Lord.
This return to the study of Christianity started me praying again and studying the Bible. I must say, the Bible is actually quite intruiging, betrayal . . . seduction . . . murder . . .love . . .poetry . . .wise advice. I found myself starting out with only 15 minutes of study a day and it quickly grew to an hour as I became more and more enthralled.
Starting each morning with prayer and bible study and supplementing with spiritual programs has completely turned my world and my life upside down in the best way possible.
I am starting to understand what all the hype is about and why practicing Christians walk around with silly little happy grins on their faces.
For a long time my art was about validation, proving my worth to the world, proving my mere existence as I felt rather invisible as a child and very de-valued. I needed an insatiable amount of praise and validation. And set about to quietly acquire it via my art and photography.
Recently I've come to realize that my worth is something for me to discover within myself, it is not something that comes about from external validation. And that my talents are for purposes of service not to cater to my own ego and vanity. This changed the focus of what I do. Now I get up very excited, wondering how I can make today better for somebody else. I spend my time thinking of how I can utilize my art as a tool for healing. Whether it's donating a peaceful image to a domestic violence shelter or donating art to a survivors art exhibit or creating greeting cards to send to children who have to spend time being treated in cancer wards or creating art that gives a voice to survivors. The possibilities are endless. And navigating my way through this new sense of purpose and service is proving to be a wonderfully, amazing journey.
Breaking it down to it's simplest component . . . I lived on my own, without God, doing things my own way for 16 years and lacked a clear sense of purpose, peace or healing though I desperately tried to find/create these things for myself.
And now, after just a few months of going it God's way and with his spiritual guidance (via the still small voice) I do have a sense of purpose and peace. Am I healed of all my emotional and spiritual wounds? NO but I am on my way and working at it every day - it's definitely a process.
God IS Love . . . it's that simple. Once I invited his spirit back into my heart, my thoughts - he inspired me into action.
celebratethemuses
JAEDA
When I write "another version of me" I am referring to my fellow creative, Scott Haralson. I refer to him as my male counter-part because he too, does nude self-portaits and like me, he waffles brilliantly between sexual and asexual, his imagery is sensuously ambiguous, non-threatening and feels very personal and intimate and at times is disturbing and I can so-o-o-o-o relate to this man on those levels. He is a fellow creative and kindred. Sometime I hope to meet and work with him on some kind of joint project. I think he is one of the few I would feel truly comfortable working with - why does he have to live so far away!
